Advice on Bringing Comfort

Last week I went with Detective Sonya Williams of the Henderson County Sheriff's Department to do a death notification. It is so difficult to notify a family that their loved one has died, especially when the loved one has been the victim of a violent crime. Many of us have done this type of thing and it never gets any easier no matter how many times you do it. As has been the case in all my experiences with the Sheriff’s Department I was so impressed with Sonya’s professionalism and concern for this family.

But this event brought to my mind a necessary skill for many of us. It is the skill of bringing comfort to a hurting person. How do you do it? I don’t claim to know it all, but I do have a few quick words of advice that I think will help.

1. Remember when you were hurting.

The Apostle Paul said,

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-­‐4

This verse says that God uses our own pain to help us learn to comfort others. When he comforts us in times of trouble, He calls upon us to pass on that comfort later to someone else who is hurting. Somebody once said that your misery can become your ministry.

2. When you don’t know what to say, don’t talk.

It sounds simple, but so many people don’t follow this advice. They think that as they start talking and keep talking that they will think of something to say. Not always true! Peter once did this in Jesus presence. In Mark 9 it says that Peter starting talking because he didn’t know what to say! Do you know anyone like that?

Peter, the great apostle spoke because he didn’t know what to say! That’s not what you want! The worst thing you can do for a person in crisis is to start throwing out overused and meaningless words.

3. Just be “with” them.

What do all of us do when we are about to deliver bad news or be around people who are devastated? If you are like me you are asking yourself, “What am I going to say? What words can bring them comfort?”

The truth is that hurting people don’t need words very much; words can’t change what they are going through. Many times they just need someone to stand there and hurt with them.

15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

Note in that verse is doesn’t call us to say anything. The key word is “with.” Just being there while they are hurting and hurting with them means a lot.

I hope you don't have to deliver any bad news any time soon. But if you do, I hope this helps!

Esau wasn't all bad!

Here is my Life Journal Entry for the day. I'm so excited that so many are joining us in this year long adventure in 2012!

41 From that time on, Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.” Genesis 27:41

I read this and thought that there are a couple of good things about Esau. We tend to think of Esau as a rough, angry hunter who was so impulsive that he sold his birthright for a cup of soup. But he had some good qualities.

1. Even though he was very angry with Jacob for stealing from him, he was considerate enough of his father's feelings that he refused to kill Jacob until his father was dead. He said in this passage that he was going to wait until after his father's death and after the traditional mourning period to kill Jacob.

2. When Jacob meets Esau years later, it is obvious that Esau had moved past his bitterness and built a successful life. He wasn't consumed by bitterness, but learned to forgive.

I will try and practice these two qualities. I will consider the feelings of others. I won't allow bitterness to consume me, but lay it down so that I can go on and live happily.

Favorite Books of 2011

My friends know that I devour books. I love to read. It refreshes me and stretches me. Leaders who don't read are puzzling to me. At any rate I read about a book a week on average. Here are my favorites from 2011. These are just the top ten. (And they aren't in order, I don't have time to think that hard today.)

1. Radical by David Platt
2. Walt Disney: The Triumph of the American Imagination by Neil Gabler
3. Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Prophet, Martyr, Spy by Eric Metaxas
4. Confessions of a Pastor by Craig Groeschel
5. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
6. Onward by Howard Schultz
7. Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson
8. Man on a Wire by Phillipe Petit
9. Primal by Mark Batterson
10. Killing Lincoln by Bill O'Reilly

Now if you are feeling really super spiritual today, yes the Bible is at the top of my list every year. I use the plan at www.lifejournal.cc to read the OT once and the NT twice each year. You journal along with it for a great time of spiritual growth. That has been my greatest spiritual adventure in reading this year.

I hope this helps you plan your reading for 2012.

The Right View of Salvation

There are two ways of thinking about our salvation. These ways can be seen in all the major religions of the world.

1. Your salvation comes through doing good things. If you do enough good things for a long enough period of time, God will see this and grant you salvation.

2. Your salvation comes totally from God. You cannot earn it or get it by yourself.

Which of these is true according to the Bible? Let’s examine the classic verse on salvation.

Ephesians 2:8-10
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

1. Grace- Salvation comes from God, not me, not my works. Grace is the source of my salvation.

2. Faith-Salvation comes into my life, as I trust God completely with my salvation. Faith is the means of my salvation.

3. Works- Good works come out of that salvation. Works are the fruit of my salvation.

What Does it Cost?

Here is a good word from last Saturday's Life Journal reading:

28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? 29 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. Luke 14:28-29

So often we eagerly jump into a project or a ministry without really thinking it through. The enthusiasm we have at the start often overrides the real work of thinking.

Leaders who develop the habit of starting things without fully thinking them through have really good intentions, but their plans often fail when they discover the cost. They are thinking about how this new venture will feel right now, not what it will be like months from now. Then as the months pass they discover the cost was higher than they were willing to pay, and they quit.

Not counting the cost gets us involved in a lot of things that we cannot possibly finish. There is a great price to pay for this habit. We lose the esteem and trust of others.

Leaders must know what their decisions are going to cost and be ready to pay that cost. If not their leadership will suffer.

If you are interested in reading the Bible through with me throughout the year, check out www.lifejournal.cc

Unhealthy Team Members

Check out this Scripture from my Monday devotions:

1 The enemies of Judah and Benjamin heard that the exiles were rebuilding a Temple to the Lord, the God of Israel. 2 So they approached Zerubbabel and the other leaders and said, “Let us build with you, for we worship your God just as you do. Ezra 4:1-2

Ezra was in process of rebuilding the temple of God in Jerusalem. As always the enemies of God noticed the progress and did what they could to stop the growth. Notice the first thing that the enemy did. It was quite deceptive. They tried to get on Ezra's team and "help" him.

Now the leaders of Israel were too wise for this ploy. They immediately rejected this "help" seeing it for what it really was, an attempt to infiltrate their leadership and undermine their vision.

But sometimes we aren't that wise.

Pastors and leaders need to be continually aware of people who do not share the vision, but bring their own agendas to the leadership team. These people will say with their mouths that they want to build with you, but behind the scenes they will press their own agenda.

When this happens, a leader must deal with it. The other agenda will cloud the vision and confuse the sheep.

When people don't share the vision God has given you, you must pray that they catch the vision or let them go! Above all don't beg them to stay on the team if they don't share the vision. I promise you, you will regret that later.

Authority Works Both Ways!

8 For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” Luke 7:8

Authority works both ways. Notice this man. He was coming to ask Jesus to do a miracle of healing in his household. Jesus was actually on His way to the man's house when the man sent servant's ahead to stop Him. He said, "Jesus You don't have to come to the house to do the miracle. Just speak the Word and the miracle will happen." (paraphrase mine)

Then the man spoke about authority. The first thing he said was, "I am under authority." That came first! Then he went on to speak of those under his own authority.

One of the most dangerous things that can happen is for a person to exercise authority over others without having submitted to the authorities in place in his life. I see leaders all the time that want authority over others and yet do not submit themselves to the authorities over their own lives. I've been around long enough to see a few of these types crash. It isn't pretty.